It's me, not you.

When the much-maligned trope is real.

It’s not you. It’s me.

The reason given for breakups by so many thousands, maybe millions. The theory was that it was kind. Saying those words removed blame from the person being dumped, tried to convince them they’re fine as a person and a totally great partner, even.

But despite those fully-satisfactory credentials on the part of the dumpee, this breakup is not about THEM. It is about the other, who shoulders the responsibility. The sentiment is that this is a cop-out. An “easy” way out of a difficult situation. A passive-aggressive way to pretend that there is nothing the other person could do or change or amend. Because, you see…

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

I never liked the shaming of that phrase. Not one bit. Because, you see… It’s me that is evolving. It’s me that is slowly, awkwardly, zig-zaggingly figuring my shit out. It’s me that gets into a hopeful situation but then figures out days or months or many years later that it’s not working. Maybe it never was. Or maybe…

It’s me.

Be you. Ask for what you truly need from another person. And if you don’t receive it in a way that feels right, or at all… perhaps it’s time to have that little sentence form on your breath.

It’s me.

*Now this isn’t always the case. I have dated folks who did things that crossed a line and that was that. Then, it was most definitely them. But it was me who asserted a value. So I guess, in the end, it’s still me.